Taking Over Me
by GraceMac
Summary: Elricest. [EdHei AlWin]. Post Series. Edward is trying to get back to Alphonse and visevirsa. It may be a bit darker than your usual fic.
1. Part 1 : Dreamscapes

Taking Over Me

By Kiwii4Matt & KawaiiTenshi

Obviously, this was inspired by Evanescence's _Taking Over Me_

This may or may not set the stage for other fics

Angst at its very best

I've changed a few things to better fit this story, you don't like it, don't read it.

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_Across the great divide a young man dreams of a land almost forgotten..._

Part 1 : Dreamscapes

You don't remember me but I remember you

I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you

but who can decide what they dream?

and dream I do...

"Al.." A rustle of fabric and the distant sound of wind hitting cotton curtains.

"Alphonse..." I sit up screaming. As the haziness of what has happened drifts away I realize where I am. The walls around me I know are brown even in the dimness of the room. My shoulders sag in sadness or relief, I'm not sure. All I would like to do is shake the memories away.

A woman... brown hair... putting laundry on a long rope out on a grassy hill...

A room... full of books... buckets of paint line the floors...

The silhouette of a man in a door way...

I punch the bed in anger. That man is my bastard of a father.

A soft rap at the nearby door brings me back from my misery.

The floor is cold as my flesh foot hits the wood beneath. I almost fall over for I do not remember that the metal limb that I posses is much lighter than the other one I once had.

Other limb... that I would transmute with a blinding blue light into a sharp-

But before I can complete my thought, the old creaky door is being opened by my other artificial limb.

"Edward!" I look sadly at the man before me. Tall with light sandy blonde hair. He resembles my brother so much that I always have to do a double take when I see him. "You look awful!" Do I? I can only hope I look much better than I have pervious nights.

Previous nights...

The dream world portrays events that I would very much like to forget. Affairs involving a monstrous suit of armor towering beside me. Such affairs leave me rickety and powerless to others help. Assistance that I would rather not take. But at times like this when I am vulnerable, my arms reach for the nearest body. And that being always happens to be my roommate.

I am engulfed in an embrace of cotton and talcum powder. I wriggle my nose at the smell. The stuff gets on everything and its a pain to get rid of. I know he needs it to clean the rocket engines, but still, I hate it. He must know for he is chuckling lightly at me. My mind has turned back on and in a flush of annoyance I roughly shove him away.

"Oh come now Edward.." He tells me with a smile. Oh how I would love to wipe that grin off of his face. Does he not realize that seeing his face puts me in agony? I hang my head. I guess not.

I must have looked ridiculous when we first met. I had encountered him by accident at the market in Munich. At first I merely saw the back of his head. But there was no mistaking that head of hair. I could recognize it anywhere. But the mass of people were dividing us and I faltered trying to get through the crowd. I almost fell a few times. In desperation I yelled out his name and immediately he turned around and we simply stared at each other until with out thinking I ran and fell into him. I clutched at the front of his coat and weeped like a child.

I must have looked insane. A man of eighteen holding on to him rambling on and on in a language he did not know and blubbering into his over coat. He detached me from him and smiled then. That look that adorned his face told me he understood. But I know now that he was just being polite.

Of course I was embarrassed as all hell. Quickly I explained that I thought he was my ''missing'' brother in broken german. Which wasn't that far off from the truth.

The first night I awoke yelling he was frightened. The panic in his voice was evident as he crept into my room that night.

He later told me I spoke when I was dreaming. My face immediately paled. What was I saying? He went on to tell me that I drawled on and on about something called the Philosophers Stone and about himself. I corrected him then. I spoke of my brother. It was then he understood a bit of why our first meeting consisted of me crying.

But as time went on I think he started piecing things together. My nightmares were in fact forgotten memories. The thrashing and kicking of limbs was me re-living the horrors of my life. And for that he comforted me.

So at times like this when I put up my invisible mask he would smile again because he knew that one look at that helpless face it would crumble all over again.

He stood back up and pulled me to him. I sank into his embrace, pulling him down to the floor once again.

Crawling into his lap I held onto him for dear life as I felt the pinpricks of tears coming to my eyes once again.

I mumbled into his shirt. "I just want to see him one last time..."

"I know..."He smoothed my hair. "I know Edward.."


	2. Part 2 : Affirmation

_Adorning a red coat, on the verge of manhood a boy feels himself slip away..._

Part 2 : Affirmation

_I believe in you_

_I'll give up everything just to find you_

_I have to be with you to live to breathe_

_You're taking over me_

"I am sorry Alphonse, there is nothing we can do for you." My white gloved hands clench at my sides as I stare at the man before me who I assumed was my friend. "You are dismissed."

"You are a coward." I hissed out as I turned to leave. But a hand reaches out and jerks me back. I am met with black eyes. For a moment those pupils held anger. But it slowly melts away as he pushes his black hair out of his eyes.

"He's gone... you need to accept that." And he lets me go. This just makes me more furious.

It has been a few years and I have searched for my brother and found nothing. I can not give up hope that he is alive and some where safe. But somewhere safeguarded might not be the case.

I remember little of my past. Memories that often come back in the form of hallucinations during my waking hours. At first they were violent. Ending with hospital visits and attempted psychiatric treatment. I refused all of these. And I put up quite a fight when the doctors and nurses attempted to restrain me to the bed each and every time. But my talent at alchemy proved to be very good and I slipped out barely each and every time.

I would be found days later huddled in a corner of an alley rambling on and on about homunculi and a stone. Then I would be escorted back to my hometown and put under the care of a blonde mechanic. But eventually I would "escape" from Rizembool and come back to Central. I couldn't be restrained. It's like they thought I could be caged like an animal. This only angered me further.

But that was a while ago and my episodes have calmed since and I have gotten my life under some kind of control.

Sensei once told me, "Find the truth with in truths." And I have been attempting just that. But how can I find out the truth about my brother's disappearance if everywhere I turn no one will talk or the evidence has been "misplaced " or lost. I'm almost at the end of my rope and I will use any method necessary to retrieve my brother... anything.

And I have to believe that he is somewhere trying to get back to me this very moment. Because if not, then I'm wasting my time.

"He would not have given up on me..." I dare to look the man in the eyes once again. Is that pity? It better not be, or I'm going to kick his ass, military officer or not.

"That is true..." He takes a step forward. "But you need to ask yourself, is giving up your life _again_ worth the price?" And with that he turns around and takes a seat behind his desk.

I simply stand there for what seems like an eternity. "Yes." And with that I am out the door. I look back and see the name tag that reads "Brig. Gen. Mustang" flap and hit the door.


	3. Part 3 : Endearment

_Come to me in the night, I'll take your pain away..._

Part 3: Endearment

_Have you forgotten all I know_

_and all we had?_

_You saw me mourning my love for you_

_And touched my hand_

_I knew you loved me then..._

"Edward, it is getting very late." I hear a sigh behind me as well. "We should be heading back home."

Home...

I wish I could be home right now...

The smell of Granny's pipe seems very intoxicating right now. But as soon as the memory comes to me it floats away.

I bang the table with my fist and let out a strangled cry and rest my forehead on the cool wood beneath. Almost instantly I feel a hand on my back. "Edward... Ed..." It moves up and down. "Let's go and get a nice hot supper, then I'll draw you a bath. It will help with your muscles."

I almost want to cry at how nice he is. How similar to my dear brother.

But this is Alfons... not Alphonse ...

"Come now Ed..." He hardly ever calls me Ed. He feels it is rude and to show someone respect you call them by their surname. But we fought quite a bit about that at first. I did NOT want to be called Mr. Elric. It would remind me too much of my father and I couldn't have that. So, he finally called me Edward, but even that still seemed to piss me off. Only on rare occasions did my nick name come up. It was a form of endearment and meant that he cared. I gladly excepted it each and every time.

He helped me up and as I stood the flask of whisky that I had carefully been hiding from him dropped out of my pocket and fell with a pang on the floor below. He simply sighed and picked it up and put it back where it was in my coat. I smiled in thanks. But all he did was sigh again and help me out the door.

The whisky...

I couldn't help it. As soon as the liquid hit my lips that first time I was hooked. It was a release. It was my _liberation_ from the pain and weariness, from this life in which I now led. At least I stopped smoking. But who am I kidding, that was out necessity. Prices of common goods are rising and we'll be lucky if we can make this months rent.

I felt like a leach. The affection Alfons offered was in genuine friendship. But I on the other hand would accept it as something more. Holding him tightly to me and not wanting to let go, thinking he was _my_ Alphonse.

I must have fallen asleep in the car on the way back to the apartment because I can feel the car stop.

Alfons attempted to help me out of the car but I refused by batting his hands away. "I'm not drunk you fool." But he didn't reply. He never answered to my insults, instead helped me anyway. Why do you have to be so nice?

---

The water from the faucet fills the porcelain basin and I simply watch as it fills up. As simple as the sight is, I am mesmerized. A soft touch to my hand brings me back from my revere and I see a pair of azure eyes staring at me with a sad smile. Turning my head away I speak "You may leave now, Thank you." I shouldn't have turned back but I did. His face twitches slightly and in his pupils I see something stir. I cock my head to side in question but he shakes his head and leaves me to my thoughts.

The water is warm and I welcome it. My skin feels like it's melting as I lie here. "Ahhhh..." I sigh and lean back. When I was in Amestris I never had the comfort of taking baths like this. Back then I only did what was necessary to stay sanitary.

A soft sound catches my attention. I try to ignore it and enjoy the warmth the water is providing, but the sound is there again and I reluctantly get out after a few more minutes of soaking and wetting my hair and quickly dry myself. Wrapping the towel around my waist I open the bathroom door.

"Alfons! What is that damn rack-" Out of the corner of my eye I see a figure sitting on the floor leaning up against the wall. I turn toward it. "Alfons?" I question as I move closer.

His knees are brought up to his face and his arms are crossed over them so I can not see his face. Carefully I kneel in front of him so as not to dislodge the knot I have made in the towel. The last thing I need is to become naked in front of him and make the situation all the more awkward and embarrassing. "Are you alright?"

"Yes" I hear a whisper but no movement. I lightly smile at him and attempt to pull his arms away but he doesn't let me.

"Alfons...?" I ask him but again he doesn't move and resists my pull. I stay on my knees for what seems like eternity.

This is pointless, if he doesn't want to talk to me I'm not going to push him.

Sighing I move to get up and he moves his legs and drops his arms to his sides. To my horror I see red smears on his chin and down the front of his shirt. I gasp and fall back onto my behind. Is... Is that what I think it is? All that coughing... it wasn't a cold.

He cries...

Big fat tear drops that fall down his face and seem to pull at my heartstrings. Why I am compelled to hold him, i am not sure. I forget about the towel around my waist, I stand and grab his arms and hoist him up to stand in front of me. I lead him into the bathroom and seat him on the toilet seat. With out caring I go to the corner of the room and drop my towel and put on my undergarments. I do wish we had another towel but that is just the way it is.

The water in the sink runs for a while before it becomes warm. This gives me a chance to take in the scene in front of me. His normally vibrant sandy brown hair is limp and matted to his forehead. His breathing is coming in gulps and I smooth his hair in an attempt to calm him. But to no avail the hiccuping continues.

I wipe his face with the moist end of the towel and he closes his eyes right after two more huge droplets slide down his flushed cheeks.

He is sick...

Why didn't I see it? Why _couldn't_ I see it?

I pat his face dry and I feel something around my wrist. I look down to see it his hand and I venture a glance up and he is staring at me with red rimmed eyes. "Thank you..." He whispers through the sobs.

'Y-You're welcome..." Why am I stuttering, more importantly, why am I suddenly so nervous?

---

After I help him into his bed I simply sit there and we stare at each other. He looks like him, even smells like him when I get close enough. But the eyes are what gives it away. An ocean of blue looking back at me.

His tears are still coming full force and I want to stop them. I smooth a hand up an arm and he seems to shudder under my touch. I keep having to remind myself that this is Alfonse, not Alphonse.

I can't even stop myself as I lean forward. Tentatively i press my lips to his. Instantly I pull back "oh my god..."

But to my shocked pleasure he pulls me down to him and envelops me in an embrace and a barrage of more kisses. Desperate and needy ones that take both of our breaths away. And all I can do is answer each one with as much vigor as the other.


	4. Part 4 : Maniacal

Part 4 : Maniacal

_I believe in you_

_I'll give up everything just to find you_

_I have to be with you to live to breathe_

_You're taking over me_

Winry comes by every few days to check on me and drop off food.

She was more than surprised to find out I re-built our old house upon the hilltop. It wasn't perfect, heck it was far from it. But i needed something to help me remember fully and I thought it would help. But instead, all it did was cause more violent attacks and more recovery time.

Once, Winry came by with a pain medicine, something she used for auto-mail injury. As awful as it sounds, as I took it I thought of Ed and felt at ease, knowing he must have been given the same thing. However, it did not help. Eventually the hallucinations calmed down and I was able to think clearly again.

I know she is worried about me. But I don't care anymore. I must look awful. I haven't showered in days and my clothes and skin are covered in paint.

"Alphonse...!"I hear a female voice whisper in shock from behind me. Turning around I see her fall to her knees in the doorway of the room. "W-What are you doing...?" She whispers.

The room, which is the study, the same room brother and I attempted to resurrect mom is littered with books and buckets of paint. Smears of transmutation circles and arrays litter the floor, walls and ceiling. It looks like the scene from a horror book and I smile. She shivers and I look away. What is wrong with me? I know I am troubled, but I can not help that. It was the price I paid for the sin we committed so many yeas ago.

Memories and feelings all jumbled together...

I believe that the answer to getting my brother back is within my forgotten past. I have tried many times using Alchemy to retrieve my memories. But have come up with nothing but smears of chalk and paint.

"I'll get them back... I will..." I say in what seems like a haunted voice. Winry comes to me and kneels in front of me. I try to move away but she grabs me and pulls me to her chest anyway.

"You need to stop this... it's over Al..." She tells me in all seriousness. But instead of listening to her reasoning, I pull back.

"No..." I hiss at her.

"He's gone Al... probably dea-" But I don't let her finish, and before I realize what I am doing, I have already slapped her across the face and am stumbling back in horror.

"Oh my god..." I whisper and look down at my hand. What have I done. Instantly I fall onto my hands and knees. Hands turning into tight fists, they turn white with the strain of skin gliding over bone. Before I can stop them, tears fall. Big and fat slick running down my flushed face. "I j-just..." A loud anguish filled cry comes out of my throat. I feel something soft on my skin and I recoil from it.

"Its okay... and its not your fault..." I know she isn't just talking about the strike to her. How can I not think it was my fault? If I never wanted my body back brother would still be here. But to think about those memories hurts me. I grab at the side of my head. Clawing at my temples in an attempt to draw my past out from the burrows of my subconscious. But Winry grabs my wrists as I flail around. "You need to stop this nonsense!" She shouts and I stop. Since my time back she has never once raised her voice. Always holding my hand and giving reassuring words and touches when need be. "You are almost an adult Alphonse." She wraps her arms around me and whispers in my ear. "You need to let go.." I fall into her embrace.

Brother...

You have taken over...

"I-I can't... I just can't.." I whisper. "I can't stop because he wouldn't stop." I hold on to her tighter and the warmth that radiates from her is refreshing. Before I know what I am doing my hands are already gliding up the backside of her shirt, wanting to get closer to the warmth that is slowly consuming me.


	5. Part 5 : Reflection

Part 5 : Reflection

_i look in the mirror and see your face_

_if i look deep enough_

_so many things inside that are just like you are taking over_

It's hard to not think of you when I get up in the morning now.

Because you are staring at me when my eyes open. Sandy blonde hair, pale skin soft to the touch. Well, it isn't really you, but the person resembles you so much that I just want to cry. The skin; the same smoothness as I can remember. The hair, soft to the touch. And before I can stop myself, the words tumble out of my mouth.

"No matter where I go, I can not escape this place." I tell the other person that is staring back at me with closed eyes.

Eyes flutter open and I am frozen. Did you hear me Alfons? Judging by your face you did, but it softens and you kiss me into submission. How can you just dismiss it?

_Alfons... how.._.

you're kissing me...

_Can you just..._

you're hands are going up my shirt and spreading across my belly and chest..

_touch me knowing..._.

a hand slips beneath my boxers...

_that I long for..._

you're on top of me now, grinding... nipping...

_...my brother..._

The rest is a blur of passion and sweat, and at the end I let out a bitter cry... out of anguish or pleasure, I'm not sure anymore...

---

You know about him. But you keep your mouth shut about it all.

And with every soft caress and gentle touch you tell me how much you love me. But how can I accept it? I'm sick... a product of growing up too fast... but how can I blame it on that? I am to blame for this. I let you in my bed knowing that I could never love you... knowing that I would just love your face... not the soul. I'm dirty.

----

"You love him..." You tell me while we are eating dinner one night. I gape at you, unable to fathom that you have actually come and said those words. The words I have been denying so long.. you continue.. "I look just like him..." I spit my food out across the table, you don't even flinch. "Its fine..." I simply stare at you before i can hear your chair scrape across the floor indicating you have gotten up.

I find my voice. "Alfons..."

"I said it is fine..." you're voice... so full of pain...and something else I can't place... "just... don't call me Al again in bed...alright..." I'm dumbstruck.

"Al-Alfons...?"I ask... like a little kid. I curse in my head.

You turn and I can see a glimmer of water in your eyes. With out thinking I am up and out of my chair, turning it over with the velocity of my movement. Instantly my hands are cupping your face. I kiss you... and it all goes down hill from there...


	6. Part 6 : Bargain

Part 6 : Bargain

_i believe in you_

_i'll give up everything just to find you_

_i have to be with you to live to breathe_

_you're taking over me_

Wrath wants to die and I am going to help him do it. And lucky for me, in exchange for that he is going to help me. Whether to get my memories or my brother back I am not sure.

Something... Something needs, no HAS to be done...

"I will bring my brother back..." I say with clenched fists.

He shuffles a few papers and places them back upon the desk in a haphazard pile. "We have gone over this before Alphonse... I will not help you."

"I'm not asking you to help me... I am saying good-bye." Those words catch his attention, and even more so when I glide across the room and extend a hand to him. His eyes glaze over, as if he is remembering doing the same thing with my dear brother.

Just as he is about to touch my hand he shakes his head. "No, you are not saying good-bye You don't know what you're saying.' My face falls.

"Yes... Yes I do General." He pushes his black hair off his eyes and looks at me for a few minutes.

"Give Ed-Fullmetal my regards."He turns away from me and looks out the window.

I whispers, "Good-bye..." And I leave...

I won't be back... you know it, and I know it.

------

"Al?" I can hear the door creak open behind me and I sigh. What is she doing here? "Where are you going?" Her eyes look pleading. Give it up Winry, you really love my brother... and that's what we have in common...

"I'm leaving..." The packing of my suitcase becomes faster, and in the haste of it I am startled to find she has glided across the room and is now holding me from behind.

"Can I come?" Doesn't she know where I am going? Doesn't she notice I am taking almost everything with me?

I sigh, and that gets her attention and she lets me go. "You're going after him... you're... leaving me..." I don't have to see the tears to know they are running like rivers down her face. "You're obsessed!" I turn quickly and catch her wrists before she can turn and bolt out of the room. We stare at each other for what seem like forever. And then she gasps and i look at her perplexed. "You... you..." She is stuttering over her words. "You love him!" I look away. How can I deny it now? I can't... I can't deny that the love I have for my brother is more than platonic. Her ball into fists, turning her already pale skin white."How... How could you?!"She wrenches free, only to grip my shoulders and look at me with pleading eyes.

In a monotone voice. "Like I can decide who I love Winry." The vice grip on my shoulders will surely cause bruising if she doesn't let go soon.

"...I can't believe this... we..." Her voice, it is small, almost like a child's voice. And it instantly reminds me of a time when we were young. When Brother and I fought over who would marry her.

"i can't be who you want me to be Winry." I simply smile at her and cup her cheek, laying a light kiss on her forehead in reverence. "I do not have automail." I chuckle lightly and she chuckles with me as the tears of rejection spill down her porcelain skin. "I love you.. but I am not in-love with you Winry... please... understand," She nods. But Winry is a good at acting and I will never know if she truly understands.

"Just... don't forget about me..." She says to me before I grab my suitcase and kiss her one last time.

"I won't..." But who knows... I could go through the gate and not even remember my own name...


	7. Part 7 : Sufferance

Part 7 : Sufferance

_i believe in you_

_i'll give up everything just to find you_

_i have to be with you to live to breathe_

_you're taking over me_

"I don't have to go back!" The seat belt is awfuly tight and I try in vain to get out of it.

"I'm not giving you a choice Ed" That smile... please... oh god ... don't give me that smile...

"Because I'm in the way?" I reach my hand out to him but he simply looks at me... sad...

"We're real Edward... we're not part of your dreams like you thought... I care... " Why is my heart breaking? "... and I make mistakes... I may not live much longer, but I'll still be here..." I try to cut you off, but I've lost my voice. "Just don't forget me.." His warm hand is upon mine, but as soon as I feel I am aware of, you pull away.

"Alfons...?" Where is he? Then I see him at the control panel... no... no.. I'm not ready!! "ALFONS!!! DAMNIT!!"

----

It all happened so fast... like a dream.

He was there... He was FUCKING there when I left, breathing... full of life... blonde hair and blue eyes... ancestor of the arien race... but... but... Oh god... I can't...

Rushing past my brother I throw up in the nearest trash-can. And a gentle hand come to my back and rubs slowly.

"Al!?!" And you are there my dear brother, holding me and saying comforting words into my ear. Its all I've ever wanted. To feel you.. but how can I be happy now?

He died...


	8. Part 8 : You're taking over me

Part 8 : You're Taking Over

_Taking over me_

_Your Taking Over Me_

_Taking over me_

_Taking over me_

"I love you." I look up from my meal, stare at you and blush.

"Y-yeah... I love you too Al." And I look back down at my meal, but my plate it empty so I can't distract myself any longer.

"No brother... not like that.." Immediately my head snaps up. You look tormented by something. I reach my hand across he table, while blushing like crazy and place a hand over yours. Then you start to stutter. "I- I.. J-Just..." I can't help but laugh.

"Al... listen... you haven't seen me in a while or touched me. It's okay." And I smile reassuringly to him, although my heart is breaking inside.

But you pull your hand away from me and scowl. "No Ed, I know how I feel... do you?" This has caught me off guard. I surely thought you would have dropped it. But you my dear brother have changed. You are more determined.

"Well I..." But before I can finish you are at my side, pulling me up with you and crushing me in an embrace. Your smell consumes me and I melt. Slowly I wrap my arms around your waist and clutch at the infamous red coat you adorn.

You whisper into my ear and I cry. "I am in-love with you Edward." My knees crumble but you hold me up and to your chest as I sob. This feeling... its not disgust... its... I cant believe it... its... _relief..._

"Oh Al... no... please... tell me you are joking... please..."I can feel you shake your head.

I cry for what seems like hours. As soon as I start to feel tired you are lifting me in your arms and carrying me to bed. I can barely open my eyes, but when I do, what I see shocks me. You are crying. Your eyes are red and puffy. Your face is wet and your bangs are matted to your forehead.

I'd say I was drunk, but I haven't had a drink in a while and this is beyond that. Its more of a feeling of being so tired I could faint. But I raise a shaky hand and pull you down by the collar of your shirt and touch my lips to yours.


	9. Epilogue : Requiem

Epilogue : Requiem

The white cloth that covers the coffin has moistened from the flow of tears I have coming down my face. Alphonse is beside me rubbing small circles on my back to comfort me. He understands, and I am thankful for that.

The sun is setting in the distance and my brother leaves me alone to collect my thoughts... and to say good-bye...

_Alfons..._

_I... I... I think I loved you... no... I'm pretty sure I did... but whether I was IN-love with you, I am not sure. And I don't want to think about it. So I will just leave it at that..._

_My brother and I plan on continuing your work... so you will leave something behind. I owe you that much... after all the things you did for me... for my brother and I..._

Stuffing my hands in my pockets I look one more time at the slab of granite and smirk. Because you always commented on it, and I always knew that secretly you loved seeing it...

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References for the story:

"A coarse grayish-green talc has been called soapstone or steatite and has been used for stoves, sinks, electrical switchboards, etc. Talc finds use as a cosmetic (talcum powder), as a lubricant, and as a filler in paper manufacture. Talc is used in baby powder, an astringent powder used for preventing rashes on the area covered by a diaper (see diaper rash). Most tailor's chalk is talc, as is the chalk often used for welding or metalworking." - http://en. is poisoning from breathing in or swallowing talcum powder... Most symptoms are caused by accidental or repeated breathing in (inhaling) of talc dust. Breathing problems are the most common problem... Lungs, cough, difficulty breathing, acute respiratory distress, respiratory failure." - http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/002719.htm


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